Hello, I’ve Missed You (LOL) (Random Post)

Nah, I’m kidding. I don’t really miss this blog tongue. I’m at the moment where I get really bored with one thing so I do other thing(s) instead. In this case: 1. I was not in the mood for blogging 2. I have had personal issues (responsibility, dealing with anger, mild depression, and social anxiety—I feel better now though) 3. I have to focus on other serious long term project 4. I have to read both Cosmos (Carl Sagan) and A Lover’s Discourse: Fragments (Roland Barthes) concurrently in my free time 5. I was just being a procrastinating INTP, what else could it be? rolling on the floor

Actually, I’ve listed down some posts that I plan to write. Lots of them. Movie reviews. New Recipes. Book reviews. Arggghhh they drive me crazy that I want to get rid of them from my to-do list (but I shouldn’t!). Sooo I decided to relax a bit and write more about ME (as remedy, I could be pretty “sick” at times, you know). I’d like to talk about random abstract things, my ideas, my past, my dreams, or just shitty posts to let go of my overwhelming thoughts (and sometimes, emotion too, Honey kiss). I have to remind myself that I should not stress myself intentionally—I should be happy whenever I’m writing! happy

Also, I’ve decided to write in English now (except for review posts). I realized 90% of my followers and readers aren’t from Indonesia. For me it is kind of upsetting if my writing goes for nothing. And since it’s decided that I am going to let people take a glimpse into my life, I better not write them in Bahasa Indonesia (I don’t feel good writing something personal/emotion-draining posts—it makes me feel exposed and stupid. English makes it better because my people would be less interested to read it xD).

So, I’ll work harder to provide good posts from now on! I hope you’ll still enjoy my blog even with the upcoming changes sad. See you later guys and gurls! *hugsandkisses *sorrymyenglishissobadthistime

Sincerely,

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Infinite Loop of Anxiety and Depression

Yeah, today without any rational reasons, I couldn’t hold back my tears anymore. Well, there WERE reasons though, but I hate to admit it. Today everything was okay. I talked to some friends, had a nostalgic vibe from them—felt encouraged and cheered. I even thought all day about some recipe that I’m going to try tomorrow.

It just happened. I cried at night. It was a long and silent one. Yeah, I’ve been feeling overwhelmed these past few days—even worse than last year (which I considered as the worst year ever since I was having nonstop anxiety and depression for losing myself and my loved ones). And the absence (ignorance) of my Aviator only extended my tears. Yeah, I know I sound whiny writing all these teary things; in fact that’s the reason I always stop myself from writing emotionally even when I need to.

I know I’ve always overthinking things ahead; it’s not easy to stop thinking (you may never know this unless you’re also an INTP). I had people telling me to stop thinking for once. But this is how I work. I have a lot of going in my mind more than you think I do. I’m both pessimistic and a foolish. Even writing this embarrassed me. I know I should have stop worrying things and act instead.

But how should I act? Even today I’m still torn between my dreams and the realistic life I live in. How if I follow my intuition but end up regretting my decision because I ignore what society told (pushed) me?

I hate the fucking society. I hate the world (not the earth and its whole magnificent nature within it—it’s the destructive human that I can’t stand).

And I hate myself the most. How could one bear this broken-hollowed soul, I’ll never know.

Sincerely,

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Graduation, But Not Really

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So, last weekend, last Thursday, 1st Dec 2016 to be precise, I finally graduated, got a diploma degree in analytical chemistry.

Yep, now it’s official that I’m jobless, no more a student.

To be honest, I was not even looking forward to the day. Mainly not because I’m unoccupied—it’s because I am not even proud of what I’ve achieved (the diploma degree in analytical chemistry with a so-so GPA). Also, I don’t really know how to interact with a bunch of friends (read: colleagues) after such a long long long time didn’t meet them.

To emphasize it, I’ve been through a very rough year. I’m struggling with so many things that deal with my (hidden) emotions (which is my weakest side). Let’s say I’ve been in grief, resentment, frustration, disappointment, heart-break, despair, bitterness… A complete package of negativity which leads myself even into a worse state of mind: social anxiety and depression. I’ve had those since I was younger, but this year those things come and sweep me away every time. I’m not usually like this.  Continue reading

Buy One, Get a Couple

Guys Girls… Loti lagi bingung banget nih. dizzy crazy rabbit

Jadi begini nih,

Moonthss ago, waktu lagi ramai event Hari Belanja Online, aku juga ikutan gencar nyari barang diskon. Saat itu aku beli flashdrive 16 GB bentuk Stitch sama jam tangan silikon warna pink.

Nah gokilnya, si jam yang kutunggu-tunggu ini baru sampainya minggu kemarin. Dua biji pulak… Padahal kan aku cuma order satu biji.

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Warna pink ini aslinya lebih tua daripada foto. Perbedaan warna disebabkan efek kecepatan cahaya yang menyebabkan perbedaan serapan gelombang oleh kamera (???@#%&^)

Mungkin kalian berpikir, “Kenapa harus bingung? Hoki dong dapet dua!”

Yah, mending kalau dapet dua warnanya beda… Lumayan buat gonta-ganti atau jualan. Kalau warnanya sama begini sih buat dijual nggak enak, buat dijadiin kado juga nggak enak. Memang siapa yang mau beli/dikasih kalau barangnya couple-an sama aku? LOL. rolling on the floor

Oia fyi, sebenarnya ini jam tangan cowok di description-nya. Memang iya sih, di tanganku juga kebesaran karena men-sized. Warnanya banyak dan lucu-lucu banget, jadi saat beli aku heran kenapa judulnya men’s watch. Tapi yang pink ini entah kenapa judulnya beda sendiri—women’s watch.

Rasanya aku kayak sengaja beli dua supaya couple sama pacar… padahal punya aja nggak. Eh, lagian nggak mungkin juga sih aku punya pacar yang doyan jam tangan pink, LOLOLOL. blush crazy rabbit

So, buat siapa pun yang baca ini—tak peduli cewek ataupun cowok cabek—silakan hubungi aku supaya bisa segera terlepas dari rasa gundah gulana. Harga bisa nego kok. big grin

Tapi kalau kamu ganteng, aku kasih gratis deh supaya (bisa punya) couple-an. kiss